4 Proven Steps To Becoming A Natural Communicator In Business

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You may often wonder how those around you seemingly communicate with ease and clarity, effortlessly bridging gaps and forging strong relationships. The secret? Even the most seemingly ‘natural’ communicator has learned the skill, and like any skill, it can be honed with the right guidance and practice.

Much like learning a new language, where consistent practice and a structured approach are paramount to achieving fluency, communication skills also require a systematic approach and an experienced guide. This is where Advanced Business Abilities (ABA) steps in.

At ABA we have developed a coaching model that teaches you to be a natural communicator effortlessly, and mesmorise people in every room with how natural you are. Below we will cover some of the core principles, but remember that reading these and learning how to apply them are two different things. If you want to get on the fast track, enquire on our homepage.

In this article, we will outline four essential steps to becoming a naturally effective communicator, drawing on the principles of ABA’s relationship model. By following these steps, you will be able to communicate more clearly and build stronger relationships in all aspects of your life.

4 Steps to Become a Natural Communicator

1- Being Present

Communication requires being present in the moment. Being fully present helps foster an atmosphere of naturalness and ease. This non-verbal communication, often subconsciously perceived, evokes an instinctive sense of affinity in the person we’re communicating with. They feel valued, heard, and consequently, more inclined to reciprocate our attention and engagement.

Practicing presence begins with quieting the mind, and a simple yet effective technique is to focus on our breath. Deep, belly breaths, as opposed to shallow chest breaths, instill a sense of calm and grounding, allowing us to be more attentive and engaged.

natural communicator

The magic of being present lies in its transformative effect on the conversation. It shifts the focus from our internal chatter to the person in front of us, making them the most important individual in the room. It’s about honoring them with our genuine interest and attentiveness. This powerful act can significantly deepen the connection, as people naturally gravitate towards those who make them feel acknowledged and important. By being present, you’re not just improving your communication, you’re enriching the relationship.

Natural Communicator Quick Tip

Before entering into any interaction, it’s important to take a moment to ground ourselves in the present moment. One way to do this is to do a quick scan of our body and identify where we may be holding tension. This could be in our shoulders, our jaw, or our stomach, for example. Once we’ve identified these areas, we’ll focus on consciously relaxing those muscles and just allowing ourselves to be fully absorbed by the present moment.

By following this process, you’ll be much more likely to be fully present with others when you communicate with them. And when we’re fully present, we’ll be much better equipped to use the other tools we have for effective communication. Let’s take a look at them right now…

2- Ensuring Affinity

Affinity, a natural communicator synonym, refers to the sense of interest, friendliness, or fondness we communicate towards others. It’s more than just a positive feeling; it’s a powerful catalyst that opens doors to countless opportunities. When we show genuine affinity towards others, they not only feel a deep connection with us but also are inclined to communicate on a more meaningful level.

Why is affinity so important? Consider individuals who seem to effortlessly make countless friends, while the average person only manages to maintain a handful. These individuals are often presented with more opportunities, achieve greater success, and enjoy richer experiences. This is no coincidence. Their ability to walk into any room and establish a meaningful connection in a genuine way creates a powerful impression. The recipient of this connection naturally wants to reciprocate, to offer opportunities, and to build lasting bonds.

How to Build Partnerships Within An Organisation

Creating robust relationships is a cornerstone skill for personal and professional success. The key to achieving this lies in understanding the four pillars of the Advanced Business Abilities (ABA) model: Reality, Affinity, Communication, and Understanding.

By understanding and utilising each of these pillars, particularly affinity, you not only improve your communication style but also significantly strengthen your relationships. Harnessing the power of affinity in your communication can transform your personal and professional life, opening doors to opportunities and experiences beyond measure.

The Importance of Non-Verbal Communication

One way to show affinity is to use non-verbal communication, such as eye contact, to build a sense of connection between you and the person you’re communicating with. Communicating affinity is an intentional act, and it can be easier with some people than others. It’s a real skill to be able to maintain an affinity with someone when you don’t understand or agree with their reality. Your body language and your eyes can and often does give away your emotionally opinionated state, and can cause just enough of an issue to have a seriously negative impact on the relationship in that moment.

In summary, focusing on building affinity is a crucial step in becoming a natural effective communicator. By showing interest, friendliness, likingness, or lovingness towards others, you establish a deeper connection and build stronger relationships.

3 – Ensuring a Shared Reality

The next step in becoming a natural communicator is to establish a shared reality with the person you’re communicating with. In simpler terms, a shared reality means you and the other person have common ground in the way you perceive the world or a particular topic. This common ground can range from supporting the same sports team to appreciating each other’s negotiation tactics.

Take, for instance, a negotiation scenario. By acknowledging that you both approach negotiations similarly, even though you’re on opposing sides, you create a shared reality. This shared understanding can foster collaboration and lead to more productive outcomes.

business coaching puzzle

Shared realities are equally powerful in personal relationships and social interactions. For example, during a date, you can create a unique experience by forming a shared reality – imagine you’re both food critics on a mission to find the best food on the planet, and the most trivial things to critique. This fun, lighthearted approach pulls the person into your reality, placing you both on the “inside” of the joke, thus forging a powerful bond.

On the other hand, a lack of shared reality can cause misunderstandings and tensions in relationships. However, it’s possible to overcome these differences by actively listening to the other person and striving to understand their perspective. By creating a shared reality, you pave the way for stronger connections, better communication strategies, and more fruitful personal and professional relationships.

How to Find and Create a Shared Reality as a Natural Communicator

Establishing a shared reality in everyday communication involves more than just asking questions and understanding the other person’s perspective. It also requires a certain finesse, a playful yet purposeful approach to draw people into your reality.

A skilled communicator knows how to navigate this delicate balance. Especially when they find a topic where disagreement or not understanding occurs. They know when to reach, gently pulling the person toward understanding. They know when to withdraw, challenging the other person subtly to explore whether common ground can be found even amidst initial resistance. Often, we discover that we’re merely using different words to describe the same concept.

Building Successful Partnerships

Finding shared experiences or common interests can also facilitate this process. For instance, if two people have both traveled to the same country, a discussion about their experiences can open the door to a shared reality. These shared realities when skillfully nurtured and explored, lead to stronger relationships and better communication. Remember, it’s not just about asking the right questions, but also about guiding the conversation and the relationship with an engaging and dynamic approach. I’ve never found 2 people who don’t have any degree of shared reality at all. It takes a willingness to continue communicating and being intentional to understand the other party that makes this happen.

4- Ensuring Understanding

Communication often falls victim to a common obstacle: misunderstanding. If you’re unable to truly understand what the other person is expressing, finding common ground becomes a difficult task. Consider this: how many conflicts, even wars, have been fought due to a lack of understanding?

Perhaps you’ve experienced a conversation where a seemingly simple question was met by you with a defensive retort, causing the interaction to spiral downwards. But what if instead, you had sought to understand the intent behind the question? With deeper insight, you might find that the other person was not being confrontational, but was genuinely concerned for your well-being.

office business coaching

Take, for instance, a parent posing the question, “Why aren’t you married yet?” This could be interpreted as a criticism, a veiled attempt to dictate your life choices. But let’s shift perspective. What if you responded with, “That’s interesting you ask about marriage again. Tell me, what was it about marriage that you enjoyed or remember most fondly from your life?”

By seeking to understand their perspective, you not only gather more information about their intent, but also regain control over the direction of the conversation, reintroducing elements of affinity and understanding. This approach fundamentally alters the dynamic, potentially transforming a negative interaction into a positive one.

The power of open-ended questions

Communication is not merely about transmitting information; it’s about ensuring the message is accurately received and understood. Key strategies for ensuring understanding include asking open-ended questions, paraphrasing, asking for examples, and summarising key points.

For example, rather than asking “Did you understand what I said?” which often results in a simple yes or no response, try “Can you elaborate on what you understood from what I just said?” This approach allows the other person to explain their interpretation, providing an opportunity for any miscommunications to be addressed.

By putting a premium on understanding, we can steer clear of unnecessary misunderstandings, foster better communication, and build stronger, more meaningful relationships.


To wrap up, the journey to becoming a natural communicator may seem daunting, but you don’t have to navigate it blindly. You have the option to leverage our proven ABA system. This article has introduced some vital concepts; however, truly mastering these steps often calls for guidance from an experienced coach. At ABA, we can expedite your progress, helping you evolve into an effortlessly engaging communicator.

Mike Irving ABA executive coach

Clients who have engaged with us have witnessed their businesses expand exponentially. Their relationships thrive, and their overall life quality transforms in unimaginable ways. The four steps highlighted in this article are: being present, demonstrating affinity, establishing a shared reality, and ensuring understanding. These are not merely techniques, but a lifestyle that can revolutionise your personal and professional interactions.

So, why wait? Explore the possibility of rapid improvement with our system. Feel free to reach out to the ABA team for a complimentary conversation about your communication goals and how our approach can help you achieve them. Experience the profound impact of becoming a naturally effective communicator and watch the myriad benefits unfold in your personal and professional life.

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